Four Christmases
by littlemissjily
Summary: A snapshot of four Christmases that James and Lily spend together at Hogwarts. Turns out that the annual Gryffindor Christmas Party is pretty good at bringing people together. Dedicated to Meg for Jily Secret Santa! Cover art by Britaisybabe.


A/N: Dedicated to Meg (wefoundfandomland) for Jily Secret Santa! :)

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter

* * *

 _Fourth Year_

It was tradition that on the last day of classes before the winter break, the prefects and professors all turned a blind eye to the students' shenanigans and let them enjoy the annual common room Christmas parties. Gryffindor was particularly famous for its holiday season blowout, and every Gryffindor was not so much invited as _expected_ to attend.

"Oi, Evans! There's mistletoe in the third floor corridor – how about I meet you there in five minutes? There's a broom closet just across the hall," James shouted from across the Gryffindor common room as she entered the party. He wiggled his eyebrows and she let out a disgusted grunt.

"I'd rather get caught under the mistletoe with the giant squid, Potter," she snapped, joining Alice and Marlene on the other side of the room – as far away from that pig as possible.

"But Evans," James cried, feigning hurt. "This is all I want for Christmas! Are you really going to take that dream away from me? What will I get for Christmas, then?"

"Coal, most likely," she muttered.

As James lamented the loss of his only Christmas present to his mates (and really anyone else in the room who would listen) – all of whom were shaking their heads, along with Remus hissing, _James that is not how you ask a girl out, Merlin you're terrible at this_ – and as Marlene and Alice rolled their eyes before moving on to discussing their plans for the holidays, Lily snuck a final glance at James from across the room. And if anyone had been looking at her, they would have noticed a small smile sneak across her face at the sight of the rambunctious, dishevelled boy with his disastrously messy hair and glasses slipping down his nose. But as soon as the boy met her gaze and winked suggestively, the smile vanished as quickly as it appeared, and Lily just rolled her eyes and turned back to her friends. It would take a Christmas miracle for James Potter to grow up, and until then, Lily vowed she wouldn't tell – or show – anyone that she actually liked the young marauder.

* * *

 _Fifth Year_

Instead of doing her Gryffindor duty and attending the big Christmas bash this year, Lily Evans was holed up in a quiet corner of the library, knees to her chest, as she struggled to concentrate on the book in front of her.

Lily had never skipped the Gryffindor Christmas party before. As much as people thought she was a straightedge, she did enjoy the rambunctious happenings of the annual bash – they were all in good fun. Usually several seventh years got tipsy off the smuggled-in firewhisky and started doing ridiculous renditions of popular wizarding (and sometimes muggle) songs, which was always a good laugh. But this year, Lily was not in the laughing mood. This year, Lily knew that if she went she would likely end up in a solitary corner, getting drunk off firewhisky in the hopes of taking her mind off a certain Slytherin and desperately trying to hold back tears.

She decided it was better to do that in a place where no one could see her wallow in her own self-pity, rather than in the common room.

Alice and Marlene had protested when she left the dorm room while they were getting dressed for the party, but she shrugged them off.

"It's fine. I'm just… not really in the mood for a party right now," she told them.

Alice sighed. "Lily, we know you're upset about Snape, but –"

"But he's not worth crying over," Marlene said bluntly. "Look, we know that you grew up with him, and _maybe_ at one point he was a better person, but look at the person he's become, Lils. Do you really want to spend the holidays crying over losing that wanker in your life? Really? You should be celebrating it!"

"Marlene –" Alice interjected, brow furrowed.

"No! I'm so tired of seeing her mope around. She's worth so much more than Snape – he never deserved to be her friend, and now that he's gone and fucked it all up, she has to suffer? He's not worth it!" she fumed. "We're your real friends, Lils. So ring in the holidays with us!"

Lily just bit her lip and shook her head, ignoring the ache in her chest when she saw her friends' faces fall. "I love you guys, but I just need some time to myself right now," she said quietly.

Marlene looked like she wanted to interject, but Alice cut her off and just told Lily that they understood.

"If you change your mind, you know where to find us," Alice reminded her.

And with that, Lily had tucked her novel under her arm and snuck away down the deserted corridors to the desolate library. Madame Pince – literally the only other person in the library at this point – had given her a strange look when she saw the young prefect enter, but otherwise left Lily to herself. Which was fine – that was just what she wanted right now.

Naturally, James Potter had to go and ruin it.

"Um, hi."

She looked up from her book (admittedly, she hadn't really been focusing on it that much) to see the marauder standing in front of her, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, eyes drifting up to meet her gaze before quickly darting away.

"What do you want." It wasn't a question, and it wasn't a warm greeting, but it wasn't cold either – it was unfeeling, uncaring, because at this point, Lily Evans did not feel anything towards James Potter. She'd been angry at first, but now she was indifferent – after all, James didn't _make_ Severus say those things. If anything, he just showed Severus's true colours. At the same time, he'd been doing exactly what she told him not to – having a laugh at other people's expense, at that pissed her off. She thought the two feelings sort of cancelled each other out.

"I, uh, noticed you weren't at the party," James replied, still avoiding her gaze. "I just wanted to check on you. Make sure you were okay."

In spite of herself, Lily let out a laugh. His eyes shot up to meet hers in surprise, and she said – without malice, but biting nonetheless – "I just lost my best friend partly because of you, and you want to know if I'm okay?"

James winced. He brought his hand to his hair, but froze instantly, likely remembering her words from a few weeks ago, before lowering his hand to his side. He bit his lip, as if considering whether or not to say something, before he blurted, "I never apologized."

She looked at him blankly. "No, you didn't."

"I should have."

Lily stared at him. After a long pause, she murmured, "It wasn't entirely your fault, to be honest –"

"No, it wasn't, but I still should have apologized," he insisted. His hand twitched, as if it longed to be tangled in his hair and he had to resist the anxious temptation. "I-I know that he was your friend, and I know I shouldn't have done it, but I just kept going and I crossed a line. And I pushed him over the edge – I provoked him. I know how much you hate it when my mates and I pick up on people and have a laugh at their expense, and I'm so sorry that I ruined your friendship because of it, and I'm sorry I didn't apologize sooner but I was just so disgusted with myself that I couldn't bring myself to face you, and I couldn't imagine that you wanted to see me either and Lily, I really just want to be your friend so I tried to do everything to get your attention and I'm sorry I've been such a little shit but I'll be better I promise I will –"

Lily closed her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered. Opening her eyes, she finally met James's gaze. "Thank you for apologizing. I – it really – I mean." She sighed. Now she was the one stumbling over her words. "I really appreciate it. It means a lot."

James nodded. He seemed to understand what she was trying to say. _It means a lot that you apologized even though you could be saying_ I told you _so right now; it means a lot that you meant this apology when he didn't; it means a lot that you regretted your actions; it means a lot that you came here to find me when I felt most alone; it means a lot that you're sorry; it means a lot that you're going to be better._

There was a moment of heavy silence before James broke it and said quietly, "The party is still going on. Do you – I mean, are you feeling up to going?"

Lily bit her lip and said, "I think I might stay here for a bit. But I might show up for a few minutes before going to bed."

He nodded. "Okay. Well, Merry Christmas, Lily. Have a nice break," he said with a small smile.

She allowed herself to smile back. "Thanks James. Merry Christmas to you too."

And as he walked away, running his fingers through his hair as he walked back to the common room, Lily thought that maybe, everything was going to be okay after all.

* * *

 _Sixth Year_

The first time Lily ever _really_ thought about kissing James was when they slipped out of the Gryffindor Christmas party to sneak down to the kitchens.

She sat on the counter and James stood in front of her, waving his arms dramatically as he recounted one of his many ridiculous stories.

"… so I told Sirius, I don't think that's a witch. Of course, he didn't believe me and wanted to prove his point, so he went up to her and kissed her straight on the mouth, and it was only after we were hexed and kicked out of the pub did we realize that _she_ was really a _he_ and he was actually a goblin!"

Lily burst into a fit of giggles. "No!"

James grinned. "Yes," he insisted. "It's true. Actually, he works at Gringotts. And I got to tell you, Lily, it's very awkward for us to go to there now."

She laughed. "But how could you two not have known he was a goblin?!"

He shrugged. "Sirius was _really_ drunk off firewhisky. As in, he thought there were snakes in my hair and kept babbling on about how he was the King of Cereal, which I tried to explain to him wasn't a thing but I don't think he believed me. And," he admitted, "I was pretty gone myself. Better than Sirius, but still not sober enough to notice that she was actually a male goblin."

Lily grinned. "You two are always getting into ridiculous trouble," she snickered. "I feel bad for –"

The oven timer Lily had set suddenly started blaring, cutting Lily off. She jumped.

"The cookies!" she cried gleefully, as she hopped off the counter.

"Remind me again why we're down in the kitchens at midnight making cookies?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Lily gave him a light shove as she turned off the timer. "These are my famous Christmas cookies. It's a secret family recipe. I was kind of craving them," she admitted. "So I thought they would be fun to make." She eyed him. "And I know you have a bottomless stomach, so you'll be able to eat to finish off the ones that I can't." As he chuckled, Lily opened the oven and bent down to pull the tray out –

"Lily, wait!" James shouted.

"Bloody fucking hell!" she swore, snatching her hand back and cradling it gently.

"Fuck, Lils. Let me see."

James came up from behind her, gently turning her palm over so he could inspect the damage – the pads of her fingers were all bright red and starting to swell angrily.

"Hang on," James said quietly.

He turned around and ran a hand towel under the cool tap water before turning back to her and gently pressing it against her hand. Lily hissed in pain and James's brow furrowed.

"Does it sting?" he asked.

"Yeah," Lily murmured. "But, not as bad now. Thanks."

He nodded. And, hoping to ease his concern, she let out a small humourless laugh.

"Merlin, I'm so stupid. I can't believe I forgot oven mitts. Guess I'm not that good in the kitchen, huh?" she joked.

Without taking his eyes off her palm, he let himself smile slightly. "I don't know, _I_ think we make a _great_ team in the kitchen. Those cookies smell amazing."

She smiled wobbly, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over as a result of the stinging pain in her hand.

"Anyway, what were you going to say?" he said.

"Huh?"

"Before the oven timer went off. You said 'I feel bad for'?"

"Oh," Lily said. She nodded her head in thought. She could tell James was just trying to take her mind off the stinging pain. "I was going to say that I feel bad for your future wives because they'll soon discover that marrying one of you is really marrying both of you and all of your insane shenanigans."

As she spoke, James unwrapped the wet towel and inspected her hand. And, quietly, he hissed, "Shit, Lil, you're bleeding."

She looked down and saw that she was, in fact, bleeding – the pad of her ring finger was oozing a little bit of blood.

"Oh," she said, slightly dazed. "I'll just get –"

But without a word, James Potter pulled her hand and wrapped his mouth around her bleeding finger.

To say Lily was stunned would have been an _understatement._ He sucked on her finger, sucking the blood, she realized, and, after what felt like hours – but what was really only a few seconds – with a pop he let her finger go and inspected it. Satisfied there was no blood, he wet the now-dry towel and wrapped it around her hand again, gently pressing it against her burns.

"I don't know," he replied, completely calm, as if he hadn't just had her finger in his mouth. "I think my future wife handles me and Sirius and all of our insane shenanigans pretty well." He looked pointedly at her, his eyes sparkling with mischief and Lily shook her head, letting out a laugh. James had matured since the incident with Snape last year, most definitely, but he still flirted with her from time to time in a friendly, joking manner that she'd come to appreciate it.

But now, as he started wrapping her burns in some bandages that were in the kitchen's medicine kit, Lily couldn't help but stare at him. At his lips, more specifically. James Potter had nice lips, she concluded. They looked soft and full and slightly pink. She imagined that they would feel nice, pressed up against hers. They'd certainly felt nice against her finger. She wondered if he would taste like he smelled – like fresh grass and pumpkin pie and a little bit like leather.

"Lils? You okay?"

His lips were slightly turned down, she noticed, in a small frown, and his tongue darted out to moisten them.

"Yeah," she croaked. "I'm fine."

His frown deepened and she forced herself to meet his concerned gaze.

"I think I should take you to Madame Pomfrey," he said thoughtfully. "Just to make sure everything is okay."

"Yeah," she replied, dazed. "Yeah, okay." _Maybe I'm delusional because of the pain_ , she thought to herself.

But later, after they had visited Madame Pomfrey (who'd fussed over her burns but proclaimed that otherwise she was fine) and Lily was lying down on the common room couch with her feet in James's lap as they snacked on the – now, admittedly, room temperature cookies – Lily found herself once again staring. At the blush in his cheeks from the heat of the fire. At the dimples that appeared on both sides of his lips whenever he smiled or laughed. At the cookie crumbs that littered his soft lips. At the tongue that darted out in an attempt to capture them. In another universe, Lily imagined that she would giggle at his pathetic attempts and lean over, grasp his messy locks in her non-injured hand, and run her tongue along his lips to help him capture the crumbs before joining their lips together. In another universe, Lily would kiss him until the sun came up, or until they both fell asleep on that couch, wrapped in each other's arms. In another universe, Lily would use her Gryffindor bravery to put her thoughts into actions and snog him until _he_ was the one left dazed.

But in this universe, she just laughed at her friend as he tried to rid his lips of the cookie crumbs. In this universe, he tickled her feet and she kicked him playfully. In this universe, he fell asleep before her, his glasses slipping down his nose, his mouth open and snoring just a little, with a cookie on his face. In this universe, she smiled at his sleeping figure before whispering, "Merry Christmas, James," and falling asleep next to him on the couch. In this universe, Lily Evans did not kiss James Potter.

 _(Yet)_

* * *

 _Seventh Year_

"Now, what's a pretty girl like you doing all by your lonesome over here?"

She looked up from watching the snow flutter outside the window to meet _his_ smirking, flirtatious gaze.

"Well," she spoke slowly, taking a sip of her firewhisky. "I was going to dance with my boyfriend, but he seemed otherwise occupied."

He grinned. "Sounds like a tosser. What could possibly be more important than dancing with his gorgeous girlfriend?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Arguing with his best mate over whether the Chudley Cannons are really better than Puddlemere United, apparently."

"Aw come on, Lils. I mean, you have to admit that it's ridiculous to insinuate that the Cannons would really be able to beat Puddlemere! I mean, how many World Cups have they won compared to Puddlemere?! It's just –"

Lily rolled her eyes and set her drink down on the table before grabbing James's tie and crushing her lips to his. Because now she could. And she would every chance she got. No matter how many times their friends rolled their eyes and feigned gagging or catcalled. Also, she found him absolutely irresistible when he rambled on about quidditch. So what if they had an audience at the Gryffindor Christmas party?

When she finally pulled away, James blinked at her dazedly, running his hand through his hair before the smirk spread across his face.

"Ah, am I the Other Man, then, Evans?" he said cheekily.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You're right, you _are_ such a tosser."

He skimmed his nose across her cheek and whispered in her ear, "Yeah, but you love your tosser of a boyfriend."

She flushed, but before she could reply, he murmured, "But it's okay. Because I love you too, you hormonal girlfriend of mine."

Instead of a response, James received a light shove before said girlfriend tugged on his tie again for another kiss.

"Ugh, please. All _I_ want for Christmas is for those two idiots to _quit snogging in front of me_ ," Sirius whined from across the common room.

Marlene chuckled. "That would take a Christmas _miracle_ , Sirius."

James flipped them both the bird without breaking the kiss, but when Peter started throwing cookies at them they reluctantly separated. Lily bit back a smile and looked up at James through her eyelashes shyly.

"You know," she said quietly, so that only he could hear. "This is our first Christmas together as a couple."

"I know," he replied just as softly. "Which is why it's the _best_ Christmas."

She rolled her eyes with a grin and he tugged her closer to him before re-joining their lips. Christmas party be damned.

And so what if they ended the night with crumbs in their hair and cookies strewn across the floor because their friends refused to stop pelting cookies at them until they stopped snogging? It was definitely worth it.


End file.
